I have a belated confession to make, why belated?, because now that we are mid-way into January I have only recently realised a pattern of behaviour for myself that occurs over the holiday period. I find the holiday period of Christmas and New Year unsettling and unsatisfying. The almost constant media projection of extended happy families and friends all getting ready to enjoy their time together. Posts on social media of smiling happy faces. I know that these images are not based on reality but yet I still find myself buying into them and feeding into the disatisfaction with my own life at this time.
I also dislike the limbo of been between two different years - one just past and one about to begin, what should I do ? look back or look forward, either way it feels that there is for me a certain sense of what I should have achieved and I need to achieve causing myself anxiety and a feeling of "not quite good enough". Note those two words, should and need, neither of them are caring or encouraging, or indeed words that I would use whilst talking to a friend about their life.
So I have decided that in 2018 I am going to try and be gentle with myself, if I don't achieve a goal I have set myself, well that is ok by me, as long as I have tried, that will be enough. I'm not sure that this will work, but I am going to give it a damn good try.
If I do achieve my goal well I am also going to try and celebrate it, instead of defaulting to my normal method of raising the bar even higher and not allowing myself time to enjoy what I have gained. Actually I have noticed if others comment on any achievement I try to downplay it, despite the struggle it may have taken to achieve.
Lets make 2018 the year of acceptance and appreciation. Lets make January gentle.